Chapter One The Grouch (Dyskolos) Translated by Sheila D'Atri Cast PAN, the god, prologue speaker SOSTRATOS, young man who has fallen in love CHAIREAS, parasite, friend of Sostratos PYRRHIAS, slave belonging to the family of Sostratos KNEMON, the "dyskolos," the dyspeptic grouch YOUNG GIRL, unmarried daughter of Knemon (no name given in the papyrus) DAOS, slave belonging to Gorgias GORGIAS, farmer, half-brother of Knemon's daughter by the same mother SIKON, cook GETAS, slave belonging to Sostratos' family SOSTRATOS' MOTHER SIMICHE, an old woman, Knemon's slave and nurse to his daughter KALLIPPIDES, Sostratos' father CHORUS of revelers NONSPEAKING Plangon, Sostratos' sister Parthenis, a female piper Donax and Syrus, slaves Myrrhine, Knemon's wife and mother of Gorgias and the daughter Another piper (The action takes place in Phyle, a village about thirteen miles from Athens that was famous for a shrine to Pan and the Nymphs. The actual shrine was on the side of a steep cliff; in the theater it is represented by the opening to a cave in the center of the stage. On the left is a farmhouse belonging to Knemon, the dyspeptic misanthrope; on the right is another farmhouse belonging to Gorgias and his mother. The spring of the Nymphs, where the sacrifices take place, is inside the shrine. The audience cannot see inside, so these actions will be reported. Next to one of the doors, along the country lane that goes by the houses, is an altar to Apollo Agyieus, Apollo as the god of streets and roads. The audience cannot see the well and dung-heap situated behind Knemon's house or the lands farmed by Knemon and Gorgias, but will imagine them as they are pointed out. The ridge where Knemon is first seen picking wild pears is just off stage to the left. Farther away, on the right, is the large farm owned by Kallipides, Sostratos' father. The place has an air of desolation; it is hilly, rocky, very difficult to farm, and mostly good for hunting.) ACT I (In the early morning, the god Pan comes out of his shrine to deliver the explanatory prologue to the audience.) PAN Let your imaginative forces work to make this place appear as Phyle-- an Attic village where the celebrated shrine from which I come belongs to those who have the strength to farm the rocks. The field here on my right belongs to Knemon, a human lacking in humanity, bilious toward everyone, detesting crowds. "Crowds" do I say? He's lived a lengthy time and hardly ever said a gracious word to anyone. He's never first to say "hello," with one exception, and that's me, his neighbor, Pan. He doesn't like it, but he must. (I'm dangerous when crossed.) This Knemon once was married to a widow whose husband had just died and left her with a tiny son. Yoked in one harness, they lived by fighting through the days and taking up the greater part of night existing wretchedly. And then a daughter came, and things got worse. When misery was all there was, and life was harsh and full of toil, she left and joined her son. Here, in this neighborhood, he owned a little place, where now he is his mother's sole support (with barely enough). One loyal slave, long in the family, is all the help they have. This boy's quite grown by now. His mind's advanced beyond his years. Experience in living brought him up. The old man and his daughter live alone with an old female servant. Carrying wood, digging, he works all the time. Beginning with his wife and the neighbors all the way to Cholargos, down there, he hates every one of them. The girl is innocent in all her ways-- not one thing ugly about her. With pious care she tends the Nymphs who share my shrine, and as she honors us so are we moved to care for her. There's a boy whose father farms a wealthy place, worth many talents, right in this vicinity. The city's where he lives, but now he's here to hunt, and just by chance he's in this place with his companion in the chase. I've inspired him, made him mad for the girl: That's the essence. If you want the rest, watch if you wish--and you ought to wish it! That youth I told you of is coming near, intent on telling to his friend these matters that we all might hear. (Pan goes back to his shrine. Sostratos and a hunting companion, named Chaireas and called a parasite in the list of personae in the papyrus, come on stage from the farm belonging to Sostratos' father.) CHAIREAS What are you saying? You saw a free-born girl putting garlands on the local Nymphs-- and right away you're in love? SOSTRATOS Right away. CHAIREAS That's fast. When you started out today did you plan to fall in love? SOSTRATOS You're mocking me, but I am really wretched, Chaireas. CHAIREAS It's not that I don't believe you. SOSTRATOS That's why I'm taking you into my heart. I also think of you as practical. CHAIREAS That's the way I am, Sostratos. Suppose a hetaira has captured a friend. Right away I grab her, get drunk, burn down the house! Don't listen to reason! Before you discover who she is, you've got to try your luck. Slow-going makes you burn for a girl, and a quick start means a quick finish. But if you mean marriage with a free-born female, then I'm a different sort of friend. I make inquiries about her family, finances and style. It's permanent arrangements that we're talking here. I leave a future record for my friend. SOSTRATOS That's well and good, but not very pleasing. CHAIREAS But even in your case we should give the facts a thorough hearing. SOSTRATOS At dawn I sent out Pyrrhias from home, but not to hunt-- CHAIREAS To whom? SOSTRATOS To her father. To meet with the person in charge, whoever he is. CHAIREAS Heracles! What are you saying? SOSTRATOS I made a mistake. Missions like these Aren't for slaves. It isn't easy to know what succeeds, when someone's in love. It's been quite some time since he's been gone, and I've been wondering--I said to him-- "Get right back home, and tell me here, where I am waiting, what I want to know." (They are suddenly interrupted by a terrified Pyrrhias dashing onto the stage from the left. He is out of breath and dazed as if he has just encountered a malevolent spirit of superhuman force.) PYRRHIAS Make room! Watch out! Get off the road! A crazy man is chasing me--he's mad! SOSTRATOS What's this all about, my lad? PYRRHIAS Save yourselves! SOSTRATOS What's this? PYRRHIAS I'm pelted with clods, with sod, with stones. I'm dead. SOSTRATOS Pelted? Where to now, you miserable wretch? PYRRHIAS (trying to escape across to the right) Is he still coming after me? SOSTRATOS (holding him back) By Zeus, he's not! PYRRHIAS He was, I thought. SOSTRATOS What are you saying? PYRRHIAS Let's clear out of here, I'm begging! SOSTRATOS Where? PYRRHIAS Away from his door, as far as we're able. Some son of Distress, a man possessed by blackness of bile and dreadful demons lives there. You sent me to a man who is big trouble. I've broken my toes falling over all those rocks. SOSTRATOS Has he been drinking, coming here like this? CHAIREAS His wits are wandering, that's clear. PYRRHIAS By Zeus, I swear it, Sostratos, I'd rather die! Watch out somehow. I can't go on; I'm out of breath. I knocked on the door and asked for the master, A beaten-down old woman came-- she stood right here, where I am now and showed me where he was up on the hill collecting sour pears. (Pyrrhias is frantic. His encounter with the old man has made him sound like an incompetent fool. Chaireas and Sostratos find the story hard to believe since they have not yet seen Knemon.) CHAIREAS (sarcastically) What excitement! PYRRHIAS What's that, you lucky dog? But as for me, I took some steps upon his bit of land, and while a good way off, in friendly fashion, Put out my hand in greeting as I spoke. "I've come on business, sir," I said. "On your behalf, I've hurried here." Right away, he says, "Damn you, are you spying on my place?" Then he picked up some sod and threw it in my face. CHAIREAS (incredulously) Go to hell! PYRRHIAS While this was going on, I shut my eyes, and said, "I hope Poseidon gets you," when next he grabbed a pointed pole and really cleaned me up with it. He said, "What business could there be," of some concern to you and me?" "Can't you find a public road?" he screamed. CHAIREAS Without a doubt, you're describing a farmer who's out of his mind. PYRRHIAS Here's how it ends: I ran away and he chased me, first around the hill, at least two miles, and then below into these bushes, throwing clods and stones and then the pears when nothing else was there. A rotten business, an absolutely damned old man. I beg you, find another place. SOSTRATOS That's the way that cowards talk. PYRRHIAS You've no idea what path you walk. He'll gobble us up. CHAIREAS Perhaps at this moment he's suffering. It seems to me now, Sostratos, that we can wait awhile. For you should know, in business, it's more practical to wait until the moment's opportune. PYRRHIAS Very sensible. CHAIREAS Poor farmers are prickly, He's not alone; It's all of them. At dawn, tomorrow, since I know the house, I'll go alone. And now it's best you wait at home. That's the way to play it. (Having decided to his own satisfaction what would be best, Chaireas departs without waiting for an answer. Sostratos then turns his attention to his slave after deciding that Chaireas is of no use to him.) PYRRHIAS (happy to have Chaireas take care of things) That's what we should do. SOSTRATOS (thinking Chaireas has failed him) That's an excuse he's gladly seized upon. It was immediately clear he didn't want to come with me, and didn't approve of my marriage plans. (turning furiously to Pyrrhias) And as for you, you lowest of the low, I hope the gods destroy you. PYRRHIAS (innocently) How have I injured you, Sostratos? SOSTRATOS It's clear you've caused some damage to his place, or stole-- PYRRHIAS I stole? SOSTRATOS Why would someone beat you if you did nothing wrong? PYRRHIAS He's here, that man himself! O best of masters, now I'll take me off, and you can talk to him. (Pyrrhias makes his escape. Sostratos on stage alone starts his monologue. As he is speaking, he notices Knemon appear at the left, coming from the ridge. By the time his speech is finished, Sostratos has moved as far away as he can from Knemon's house, while Knemon is standing in the middle of the stage, ready to begin his comments to the spectators.) SOSTRATOS (to himself and answering the absent Pyrrhias) I can't! I never can persuade a soul no matter what I talk about. And how can I address a man like him? That's no philanthropist I'm looking at. By Zeus, he's serious! I'll slip aside a little from the door. That's better. How he shouts, while walking all alone! He must be mad, it seems to me-- I'm frightened, by Apollo and the gods. (Shouldn't a person tell the truth?) KNEMON Well, didn't Perseus have double-luck? First, the wings--he never had to meet with people walking on the ground. And then he had some sort of property which turned the mob of nuisances to stone. That's what I want! They'd be plentiful everywhere--human statues made of stone. By Asclepius, my life is now unlivable. They're talking, trespassing, crossing my land. I suppose, by Zeus, I waste my time standing by the side of the road! I don't work that bit of field: those people coming by have chased me off, and now they follow me up to the hill-tops. A multi-multitudinous mob! Good grief! Another one of them is standing right beside our door! SOSTRATOS (aside) Will he really strike at me? KNEMON (aside) A quiet place is nowhere to be found. You can't even plan to hang yourself in peace. SOSTRATOS (aside) Can it be me enraging him? (to Knemon) I'm waiting here for someone, sir, it was agreed-- KNEMON (ignoring him) What did I say? Is this the stoa or the local shrine for rendezvous? Whenever there's a man you wish to see, arrange to meet them all beside my door. Certainly, construct an assembly-room, if that's what you have in mind! Why not a council-chamber? I'm accursed! The evil is abusive insolence, as it appears to me. (Knemon exits, going angrily into his house.) SOSTRATOS I can't be casual about this job. Real effort is required here. That's clear, but shall I go for Getas, who's my father's slave? By the gods, I will! He's hot stuff, with lots of experience in all sorts of things. He'll beat off his bile. I don't approve of long delays: why, even in a single day, lots could happen. Oh, there's noise at the door! (Young girl, Knemon's daughter, enters.) GIRL Alas, for all my sufferings; and what shall I do now? My nurse, while lifting up the jar, dropped the well-ropes in the well. SOSTRATOS (aside, thinking only of the appeal of his beloved) O Father Zeus, Apollo the healer, beloved Dioscuri--unbeatable beauty! GIRL Father gave me orders coming in to make the water hot. SOSTRATOS (overwhelmed by her) Amazing! GIRL If he discovers this, he'll treat her like a criminal. I have no time to talk. O dearest Nymphs, you've got to take it on. But I'm ashamed to go inside if there are people making sacrifice-- SOSTRATOS Just give it to me and right away I'll dip the jug and bring it up. GIRL Yes, by the gods, and quickly too! SOSTRATOS (to himself as he goes into the shrine) She's a natural aristocrat although her look is countrified. O gods deserving deepest reverence, what can save me now? GIRL Dear me, who's banging at the door? Can that be father coming out? I'll catch some blows if he catches me out. DAOS (speaking to Gorgias' mother inside as he comes on stage from the other house) I'm slaving and serving forever here while he's out there digging alone. I've got to go and help him out. O cursed Poverty! How have we happened on such an intimate relationship? Why has your constant presence settled in our house? SOSTRATOS (returning) Take the jar. GIRL (from the door of her house) Bring it here. DAOS Whatever is this man after? SOSTRATOS Be well! Take care of your father. (to himself) Oh, my! O Sostratos, stop complaining. It will be all right. DAOS (aside) What will be all right? SOSTRATOS (still to himself) Don't worry, do as you planned--get Get as-- tell him everything and bring him back. (He goes offstage.) DAOS (alone) Is something ugly going on? I'm not the least bit pleased. When a boy is waiting on a girl, corruption's close. But, Knemon, as for you-- I hope the gods destroy you totally. You've left that innocent and harmless girl alone in this deserted place, with no protection anywhere. That's why he came by! Finding out, he slipped away and thought he'd try his luck. Fast as I can, I'll let her brother know. We'll watch out on her behalf. I believe I will start on it now-- for here's a group of followers of Pan. I see they're looking somewhat drunk, so I think I'm better off away. (Chorus of revelers comes on stage, singing a lighthearted paean to Pan and providing the choral performance sung between the acts.) ACT II (Daos and Gorgias are alone on stage. Gorgias, hearing about Sostratos' arrival at the farm, criticizes Daos for not dealing more forcefully with the situation.) GORGIAS Was this an insignificant affair that you could handle carelessly? DAOS How is that? GORGIAS You should have told him, whoever he was, as soon as you saw him come forward, by Zeus, that you'd better never, ever see him again acting like that. But you kept off, as if this business was somebody else's concern. It isn't possible to run away from family responsibility. My sister's our concern, although her father wishes it were otherwise. Don't imitate dyspeptic dispositions. If she falls victim to some shame, disgrace would also come to me. From the outside, no one ever knows who is to blame. They only see results. (They walk toward Knemon's house.) Copyright © 1998 University of Pennsylvania Press. All rights reserved.
