1 KNOW YOURSELF We fear our full selves. We are afraid of who we are, in all our glory (and grit). We're constantly searching for that person. Or forgetting that person. Or repressing that person. Instead of standing strong in who that person is. Being FULLY ourselves, without apology or shame, serves as a grounding force in a shaky world. There are a lot of things to be afraid of, but one of those things should not be YOU, in all your amazingness. Standing in your full self does not mean you are unyielding and super stubborn and can't nobody tell you nothing. It does not mean you're not able to admit when you're wrong. Instead, it's about having a strong sense of identity. It's about knowing you belong in this world just as much as anyone else. It's about taking up the space you earned simply by being born. One of my favorite poems is "Desiderata," written by Max Ehrmann. My favorite part is "You are a child of the universe / no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. . . ." "YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HERE." You sure do. Knowing this fullness of who you are doesn't make you more stubborn. Instead, it makes you more likely to grow, since you know you have a solid foundation that doesn't change even as you learn new things and new perspectives. This is a step you need to take to be a professional troublemaker. Because you will GET IN TROUBLE. Guaranteed. What makes you realize it's worth it? Knowing that you are enough, you are valuable, and you are loved, for simply being you. A lot of fear fighting and professional troublemaking is confronting things that might shake us up. Things that might slap us into dizziness and make us forget everything we know is real. We need solid feet, rooted in something strong, to continue to stand. Knowing ourselves is important because it provides that foundation for us. It doesn't allow anyone or anything to tell us who we are. Because when people tell us how amazing we are, that's good to absorb. But what about when someone tells us we aren't worthy? Or we don't have value? Or we don't deserve kindness and love? Or we deserve paper cuts? To know thyself is to not take all the praise to head or take all the shaming to heart. To know ourselves is to write our values in cement even if our goals are in sand. To know thyself is to know your core, and for me, to know my core is to feel rooted in something outside myself. It is to know not only who I am but whose I am. WHOSE WE ARE Whose I am is not about belonging to someone or being beholden to people. It is about the community you are tied to that holds you accountable. It is about knowing you are part of a tribe that is greater than yourself. It is about feeling deeply connected to someone and knowing that no matter where you go, home is always waiting for you. If we're phones, knowing whose we are is our charging station (or cord). I learned the importance of WHOSE you are growing up. As a Yorb++ girl, I am part of a tribe that prioritizes its people sometimes as much as it prioritizes an individual. Collectivism comes alive for us through the traditional or'k" (OH-ree-kee). What's an or'k"? It's a Yorb++ word that combines two words to mean "praising your head/mind." Or' is "head" and k" is "to greet or praise." An or'k" is a greeting that praises you through praising your kinship and speaking life to your destiny. It is your personal hype mantra and can be spoken or sung. The original attempts to tell you who you are make up your or'k". It's used to remind you of your roots and your history. It might include the city your father's from, and where his father is from. It might include the things that make your family name special. It brags on your people. It lets people know who you WERE, who you ARE, and who you WILL BE. It reminds you of those who came before you and blesses those who will come after. It might even include some shade. Or'k"s are often sung at birthdays and celebrations. They are also sung to see you off into the next life. An or'k" connects you to your ancestors, and it will move even the most stoic to cry because you feel it in your chest. Your tear ducts just give up the ghost and let the water go. I am the granddaughter of a woman named Oloefoenmil++yo.' Juliana F++loyin, and she's the one who serves as my compass. When Grandma would say her own name, she'd always say it with a smile. Which makes sense, because her name literally means "God gave me joy." It was like her very self and presence brought her joy. When they sang my grandmother's or'k" at her funeral, I got emotional because it was a poetic affirmation of her presence on this earth and a send-off. It was a standing ovation for her spirit. This is part of my grandma's or'k": O.mo. ñgb--ni Mod lor, me.'re.' n' ^koen O.mo. Fulani íje.'s.^ a moeni m++ par~ oko o.ni O.mo. a fi o.s.e. fo.s.o. ki --mo. E.lomiran fi eeru fo. ti e.' O.mo. aroegb"nrin ow-- bo.'d"de.' O.mo. Olumos.e atikun aya fo.hun Ogboni gba mi, ñ.do.'fin gba mi E. nii to nii gba le.' gbani What it loosely means (because there are some Yorb++ words that don't exist in English, and it is really tough to give exact meaning) is: The child of royalty . . . The child of the íje.'s.^ Fulani who dominates one and dominates one's property The child who brings out soap to wash their own clothes while someone else's child brings out ashes to wash theirs The child that springs up money (wealth) in multiples The child who beats their chest as they speak (speak with confidence) ñgb--ni, save me, ñ.do.'fin, save me It is the one that is prominent enough to save you that steps up to do it Her oriki ties her back to those who came before her and gasses her up. I don't know my or'k". Many of us don't. Like a lot of traditions, or'k"s have been deprioritized as generations pass. I'm out here or'k"-less AF. But it's okay. I'm fine, really. I'm not mad at all that by the time I came along, folks were more blasZ about it (clearly I'm low-key salty, but I'll deal with that with my therapist). However, a lot of what we already do is derivative of or'k"s and we don't even realize it. The tradition of the or'k" isn't just in Yorb++land; it's gone on through the diaspora. You can see it in the way people rap about themselves. It's in the way people praise God. It's in the way we say who we are in the moments we feel most proud. When Christians praise God, we say: King of kings. Lord of lords. Alpha and Omega. The Beginning and the End. The I am. The Waymaker. That's an or'k" if I ever heard one. You might be too young to have watched the TV show Game of Thrones when it first came out, but in it, there is a character named Daenerys Targaryen. Whenever she walked into a room, she got this HYPE introduction: "Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen. First of Her Name. The Unburnt. Queen of the Andals and the First Men. Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea. Breaker of Chains. Mother of Dragons." THAT IS SUCH AN ORêKí! Don't you feel gassed up on her behalf? I know I do. That's what it is for! I tend to write or'k"s for people I admire to gas them up as I please. I've done a few in the past. For Michelle Obama: Michelle LaVaughn of House Obama. First of Her Name. Dame of Dignity. Melanin Magnificence. Chic Chicagoan. Boss Lady of Brilliance. Owner of the Arms of Your Envy. Forever First Lady. For BeyoncZ: BeyoncZ Giselle of House Carter. First of Her Name. Snatcher of Edges. Killer of Stages. Citizen of Creole Wonderland. Legendary Black Girl. Wakandan Council President. For Oprah: Oprah Gail of House Winfrey. First of Her Name. Changer of the World. Protector of the Realm of Noirpublic. Creator of Paths. Breaker of Chains and Limits. For Janelle Mon++e: Janelle of House Mon++e. First of Her Name. Citizen of the Future. Walker of Tightropes. Rocker of the Baddest Suits. Head Android of Wondaland. For Simone Biles: Simone Arianne of House Biles. First of Her Name. Aerial Assassin. Code of Points Champion. Somersault Sorceress. Flipping Fanatic. Mocker of Gravity. Duchess of Dismounts. Obliterator of the Olympic Order. For Amanda Gorman: Amanda of House Gorman. First of Her Name. Prophetess of Prose. Anointed Artist. Dignified Dreamer. Sage Scribe. Highborn Verse Slayer. Noble of Noir Pixie Dust¨. For Yara Shahidi: Yara of House Shahidi. First of Her Name. Builder of Generational Bridges. Teller of Truths. Thoughtful Activist. "It" Factor Maven. Brilliant Being. Niece Goals. Taker of Fierce Photos. So, I want you to have one of your own. How do you write a Game of Thrones-style or'k" for yourself? Here's the formula: First Name and Middle Name of House Last Name. Number of Her/His/Their Name (e.g., Juniors are "Second of Their Name"). That's the easy part. The next part: Throw humility away. The point of this is to give yourself ALL the credit. I want you to acknowledge the things that make you proud and the things you have accomplished. They can be things that you are known for. They don't have to just be about an award, but they can be things that feel like your superpower. Feel free to use noble titles for yourself (Queen, King, Earl, Duchess), because why not? Get creative with your descriptors if you want. I am also a fan of throwing some alliteration in there for extra pizzazz. Noun (occupation or descriptor) of Noun (thing). Here's mine: Luvvie of House Jones. First of Her Name. Assassin of the Alphabet. Bestseller of Books. Conqueror of Copy. Dame of Diction. Critic of Culture. Sorceress of Side-Eyes. Eater of Jollof Rice. Rocker of Fierce Shoes. Queen of the Jones Kingdom. Taker of Stages. Nigerian Noble and Chi-Town Creator. I could keep going, but I'll stop here. You need one of your own, and I want you to write it. Now, if you have the time. If not, come back to it. Or you can get with your friends and y'all can create yours together. I know you might be thinking, But those people Luvvie mentioned are famous and extraordinary and hugely dope. I can't even measure up to that. And to that, I say, "NOPE NOPE NOPE." I want you to leave that kinda talk behind. Because yes, those are some incredibly visible people, and they have achieved a lot. But so have you. By being here on this earth, you have done enough, and you have SO MUCH life left to live to get some cool professional titles. (We'll deal with impostor syndrome in a few chapters.) A lot of those people are older than you. What the future holds for you will be amazing! Besides, you can be Giver of Best Hugs, Fortnite Champion, TikTok Titan, Ravishing Reader, Debonair Dancer . . . there are so many things about you that are worthy of praise, so put them on paper and don't be shy about bragging on yourself! What if you have a complicated relationship with your family? Or you were adopted, so you don't know your biological family history? For those who might not have blood ties to the people they love most, you are still part of a people who cherish you, adore you, and are glad that you are here on this earth in this space and time. To you, I send love. Not knowing the binds that tie you by blood does not exclude you from belonging to a people or a community or a tribe. If you are someone who can truly say you don't have an answer to WHOSE you are, and this book has made it to you and these words are being heard or read by you, then you are truly someone who should laugh at fear. Cackle at it, even. Having no one is not a cause for shame here but one for pride, because it means you have moved through the world, drop-kicking these obstacles by yourself. You are a warrior. Your or'k" can start with ARMY OF ONE. You have battled so many challenges by yourself, and you are still standing and finding reasons to smile every day! You are still here, and I am really proud of you! High-five yourself. Army of One. Solo Soldier. Fierce Warrior. Rock of Gibraltar has nothing on you. Everybody needs an or'k". I need you to spend this time bragging on yourself. Type this up, write it up, put it somewhere you will remember. Laminate it, even. You will need this one day-in the moments when you see the worst of yourself or you fall flat on your face. You will need this when you feel like you have failed or when someone tries to make you feel bad about yourself. Or when you don't get that scholarship or internship you really wanted. Or when you fall out with a close friend. You will need this. You know those times when you're talking and between every word, you're clapping your disbelief because someone talked to you like you're small? Yeah, those too. In those times, you can read your or'k" and remind yourself who you be (yes, who you be). I want you to have this thing handy, to bring you back to the reality of how dope you are. Cool? Cool. WHO WE ARE Beyond knowing WHOSE we are, there's knowing WHO we are. Outside of our connections to anyone else, we have to know what is important. I know that all too often, we won't say what we want or need, and then we'll sit in frustration. We might lose the appetite to be ourselves because it's been insulted, beaten, bullied, punished, abused, and made fun of out of us. We look up one day and realize we've let the world, or our classmates, or our disciplinarians, convince us that we are not good enough. It's tough! It is no fault of our own. And it is by design that we try really hard to fit in. I am always taken aback when people ask me how I am so confident. I am confident because I am constantly doing work to ensure that I do not lose sight of me, so I never have to go looking for me. When we are sure-footed in who we are, we always have something to come back to. When we know what defines us is not how great our grades are or what sports we play, we are less likely to lose our way if we lose any of those accomplishments. Excerpted from Rising Troublemaker: A Fear-Fighter Manual for Teens by Luvvie Ajayi Jones All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.
